Failure and the Beach

As I blog this year, I have some goals: 

* Be open/vulnerable with you

* Post regularly – aiming for at least once a week

* Share prayer requests and praises with you

So to be vulnerable with you, I want to tell you about an area that I really struggle with and how I failed.  The area I struggle with is moving.  I am great at packing up other people’s homes and helping them move their things and even settling into their new abode.  I however really struggle with moving my own stuff.  I usually have a deadline.  In this case, I went to Training Camp for the World Race July 14 – 19 (you can read about that here: Training Camp Part 1, Training Camp Part 2 and Training Camp Through the Lens).  

I had 5 weeks between TC and Launch for the Race on Sept 5.  My main job ended August 11.  I had supplemental jobs here and there and other activities that were on going.  I knew when I wanted to be moved out of the rental home and I set up a plan.  I however failed in the execution of this plan.  I wanted to be finished with the house by the Sunday before Launch.  I chose to spend my free time other places besides my home.  I was building into relationships which is a wonderful thing but I was also avoiding the act of moving that I knew I was not good at.  Twice I stood in the middle of my bedroom, frustrated at myself for not being farther along with the move and cried out to God to kick me in the bum and getting me going.  I did reach out and ask for help, maybe somewhat in a “Hail Mary” sort of way.  I am very thankful to my sister who was able to come and help out tremendously.  I am disappointed in myself for not progressing in this area though.  I know that I need to become better at ending well and I know that Jesus is working on me in this area of my life.

On Tuesday, Sept 2 I had planned a trip to the beach.  I love nature, being with people and the beach.  This seemed like a good way to have a last hurrah with some friends and spend some time at the beach 🙂  This was a last minute kind of trip and had been rescheduled from the Friday before.  When the calvary (my sister) arrived Monday night, we were able to work on packing some but had not made much progress.  We were up until 4:00 am packing and then talking.  I was so distressed about the beach trip we were leaving for at 6:00 am.  I knew it was irresponsible to go when I had to be out of the house the next day and was working for 10 hours on Wednesday but there were other people involved, who had taken off work, were getting up early to go and had never been before.  So, we went.

I had a wonderful time in Ocean City, Maryland for the day.  I was able to not sit in worry for the day about packing (not sure if you would say that was a blessing) and enjoyed myself a lot.  Being on the beach reminded me of our relationship with Jesus.  That we are all in a constant process of change: “But now, O LORD, You are our Father, We are the clay, and You our potter; And all of us are the work of Your hand.” Isaiah 64:8  

Watching the tide wash in and rush out again, seeing the waves crashing over one another, looking at shells that have been broken and shined by the surf.  It all was a reminder of my walk with Jesus.  The more I let Him in, the more I spend time with Him, the more I seek His heart and walk out in love, I will be like the beach.  Every moment the beach is ever changing, once you take a picture, the beach will never be exactly the same again.  

That is my life, I am on this journey with Jesus and He is shaping me into who He wants me to become.  I do have free will in this, I can choose to step into the calling and relationship that God has for me or I can stand back and be passive and fight the waves that are coming in and going out.  I am choosing to follow, even though I know for a fact, this is not the easy road.  I am looking forward to the challenges and even the pain that will inevitably come.  Because I want what God has for me, I want to become a better person, a better friend, a better worker, a better listener, living out my calling, to be the hands and feet of Jesus.

We got home late from the beach and I was scheduled to work 10 hours on Wednesday.  This is when my sister stepped up and did most of the packing up of the house for me.  Thank you so much, AMY!  When I got back home that night mainly, I helped with my bedroom and packing up our cars to move everything to storage.  

I was able to drive to Georgia on Thursday as was planned.  We left a few hours late, to allow me to get a little rest before the 11 hour drive.  

I shared this with you to have you help hold me accountable in the future.  I wanted to improve my track record with moving and did not make much progress this time.  I would love for this negative pattern to be broken once and for all!